Takin Yo Ass Back To Taiwan

Hi, from Taiwan. Had to chime in here with a couple youtube videos. The first vid is a music video for a song called Taekwondo (跆拳道) by Stickyrice (糯米團) and the second is a music video for Miniskirt (迷你群) by Wonfu (旺福). Ironically, there are no miniskirts in the miniskirt vid. Both bands seem to ellicit "oh, I remember them, they're pretty funny" remarks.

So if you're into the less serious brand of indie rock:

Takin' Yo' Ass Back Down to Chinatown

Bjork, eat your heart out.

I've always had a wicked fascination with Asian pop, partly because of my yellow blood, but mainly because at times American music has become so sensationalized in terms of artists trying to be the baddest, craziest, or scariest of all motherfuckers in their respective categories that genres such as J- & K-pop are simply a breath of fresh air.

One such artist I've discovered is Sue, a photo-shy Taiwanese lounge singer with an impressive set of pipes, as heard on her debut album covering Chinese and American standards. While her Chinese songs are damn-near flawless, listeners might tend to snicker at her somewhat thick accent in her renditions of such pop classics as Patsy Cline's "Crazy" or the Righteous Brothers' "Unchained Melody." It's not as apparent as William Hung, and consequently, it's not as funny either.

Sue - Something about entering and exiting a country, I guess. We'll just call it... Track 3

Sue - Unchained Melody

Fuck A Title

"Kanye, can I talk to you for a minute?"

Where the fuck are the other "bloggers" on this site? I mean damn... Seems like the only people that even bother postin shit are the people that consider staying in on a saturday night downloading the latest hipster hot garbage album grinning at the thought that only I...I mean "they" and like 5 other people online know about this album as having a life...but I digress.

So Kanye and Jay Z warned us about Lupe Fiasco's imminent reign and with the leak/release of Food & Liquor, critics and "conscious" rap heads have joined the bozak ridin badwagon... but no thank you. I'm having trouble buying into the poindexter skater image. People acting like a black dude who raps, skates, and is articulate is some out of this world shit (and he's a devout Muslim!). For all these things that make him stand out, I can't listen to FL without thinking about where I have heard the flow or beat before... frankly, the shit makes for some boring music...not to say that Lupe doesn't drop a couple of gems here and there but still...zzzzzz.... critics keep stressin how refreshing Lupe is given the current state of mainstream Hip Hop... so like props for less shitty shit Lupe. Honestly, I'd rather stick to my pimp cups, grillz, and stunna shades...

Who Belongs to This Song?

A couple of weeks ago, an apparent leaked track from the new Postal Service album made the rounds among the major music blogs. If you missed it, here it be: The Importance of Being

Then, yesterday, MTV News posted an article in which Postal Serviceman Jimmy Tamborello states the song "has nothing to do with me or Ben," and was probably an elaborate stunt by LA duo Northern Two to promote their own forthcoming album. AND THEN, those guys denied it as well.

Now that the mystery is starting to brew about, I can finally reveal the truth: I made the song. Yes, the Postal Service tag was a hoax to spread it like Mad Cow. For some reason, the comments left on blogs about Northern Two was also intended to further expose the song; it seemed like a good second step on paper. Finally, the climax of popularity, a mention on the MTV News site, the twelfth most popular in the land. Yes, I am the song's daddy. Please forward money to my paypal account.

Emily's Solo Joint

In the pervasive sense, Broken Social Scene is the Wu-Tang of Canada. With Kevin Drew playing a RZA-like role at the helm, the cast and crew consists of various musicians as Leslie Feist, Amy Milan of Stars (whom, like ODB, has a laundry list of a rap sheet stemming mainly from her penchant for snorting blow off a hooker's butt before shows), Murray Lightburn of The Dears, Jason Tait of The Weakerthans, and the Scenesters' own Method Man, Emily Haines.

While Ms. Haines already has a fairly extensive resume, having also worked with The Stills and Metric, she has yet to officially release a solo album, that is, until next Tuesday, when Knives Don't Have Your Back hits stores.

I've only been able to procure "Doctor Blind," which you can stream from her myspace, so I'll offer two of her greatest hits instead:

1. Broken Social Scene - Anthems for a Seventeen Year Old Girl (Live at the Ottawa Blues Festival)

2. Metric - Combat Baby (Live at Coachella)

As a testament of good taste to her iPod on shuffle, a bonus song: Elliott Smith - Say Yes (Live at KCRW)

All this talk of the Wu-Tang has me thinking, "Hey, how about a Wu-Tang song?" Sure! Ghostface Killah & Raekwon - Daytona 500

I was kidding about Amy Milan's fetish for coke and ass.

Where does one band end and the other begin in this hastily Photoshopped picture? YOU DON'T KNOW! By the way, the bluriness on the right isn't some editing error; it's straight up smoke.

What the Hell is This, Chicago 1920?

NME.com just released an article stating that festivals may go dry, that is, without the presence of alcohol, "[a]s part of a crackdown on binge drinking among young people."

This is a fucking travesty of an initiative, if you ask me. I can tell you from personal experience that ever since I turned 21 and started hitting the beer tents, festivals have become a hundred times better than they were before. Despite the high markup on a plastic cup of Heineken, the subsequent amount of joy derived is well worth the price. If not for beer, I don't know I would've been able to last the first five hours of each day at Street Scene 2006. Beer saved my sanity and lent me some cash for some bombass eggrolls.

....

So, if you actually read the article and not react over the title like I did, you'll see this is only directed towards British festivals, in which case, I say, "Good." Festivals should be about the music, anyway.

Hide Your Children, Cover Your Asses

I've been meaning to update this thing all day today, but I seriously have a bad case of writer's blog (Get it? Hahaha! Puns are fun!), so I'll just share some cover songs, which, coincidentally, is probably what some artists do when they're going through their mental cockblogs (same premise, but still, 2 for 2!).

Don't let the irony blow your mind too hard.

Mock Orange - Only in Dreams (from a Weezer tribute album)

Ivy - Be My Baby (broken in by the Ronettes, taken for walks by many other bands)

The Automatic - Gold Digger (the song that should've won Kanye a Grammy)

Yo La Tengo - Hey Ya! (from the Outkast album in which instead of playing with each other, they opt to play with themselves)

William Shatner - Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds (you're probably going to have to be on some sort of psychotropic substance to really enjoy this one)


By the way, has anybody had a chance to listen to the new TV on the Radio album? I missed the torrent a couple of months back and still haven't had a chance to hit the record store.

Stop The Dumb Shit

PA: "Some dude just pulled up outside the venue and he's performing out of what we believe to be an ice cream truck..."

VMA show manager: "Who? What?"

PA: "I'm not sure yet... wait... he looks like the black guy in that movie with the mini coopers and Marky Mark."

VMA show manager: "Stay on that shot of Paris!"
(turns back to PA) "so he's an actor and he raps? is it Nick Cannon? Those shit heads at Wildin Out didn't tell me diddly squat about a street performance..."

PA: "no no... who is that...what's his name...Most Def! That's who it is!"

VMA show manager: "Who!?"

PA: "Most Def...the rapper/actor...he keeps shouting something about "Katrina Clap"."

VMA show manager: "What the hell is a "Katrina Clap"? (turns to the black sound man) Reggie, is this street slang for an STD?"

Reggie the black sound man: "..."

PA: "no no i think he is rapping about hurricane Katrina..."

VMA show manager: "Aw... (brief moment of silence and contemplation) Look I don't have time for this so call NYPD and get his ass out of there!"

PA: "Yes Ma'am."


So Mos Def pulls up in an ice cream truck and performs Katrina Clap unbeknownst to passerbies and teenage girls waiting outside the VMAs... aside from the hilarious part where NYPD rushes Mos and straight up bully him, who gives a fuck!? Really! Everyone up in arms talkin bout "GO Mos! Free Mos!!" how bout "better music Mos and less movies Mos!"...or "go home and feed your seeds Mos!"

Katrina Clap gets points for effort but the shit stanks of red black and green arm bands left over from the last Free Mumia march that ended with folks going home and watching BET and downloading a Talib Kweli ringtone cause THAT shit is revolutionary son.

Is the song effective? Does Mos have enough pop culture clout and relevance for ppl to even care about what the message is? No and for the very same reasons, I woulda payed to see Juve do the same shit with "Get Ya Hustle On".

"I, Like, Cry, When I Listen to It, It's So Good."

That quote, of course, comes from the ubiquitous entity you and I know as Paris Hilton, regarding her own CD, which was released about three weeks ago.

Mayhaps you've also heard of the great prank pulled in record stores throughout the UK. It's now confirmed that the guy who did the mix on the fake CD is none other than Danger Mouse, of Gnarls Barkley, Gorillaz & Grey Album fame. Word is, fake CD's are going for bank on eBay as a collector's item. While I couldn't get my hands on one of the doctored CD's, I can offer the following, in addition to the photo set linked above, to help you make your own bootleg of a bootleg:

1. A video of the prank, for instructional purposes:


2. The Danger Mouse mix, upon request, to burn onto CD yourself (sorry, it's too big to upload directly)

3. And finally, the motivation. While I don't deny that Paris' first single, "Stars Are Blind," is a nice, catchy pop tune, I do have beef with the degree to which she plays off its originality. She totally ripped off the beat from Blondie's "The Tide is High," and that part when she sings, "Why shouldn't we be with the one we really love?" is just an amped up version of Debbie Harry beginning, "I'm not the kind of girl..." Listen to the songs! Tell me I'm wrong!

Exhibit A - Paris' song.

Exhibit B - Blondie's song.

Where is the Love?

That's how my week in Vegas felt...but with considerably more tits n ass

The Roots' albums keep showing up in my collection somehow someway... and it definitely isn't because I am particularly looking forward to peeping their releases either. Granted they get my respect but the love for them deaded at Things Fall Apart and that was 4 jawns ago. After that they went and got all "experimental" (see: boring) and switched their lineup to feature the "new guy on guitar" (see: former studio musician) in place of "that other guy who used to play guitar" (see: demoted back to studio musician).

Yet somehow they (mostly that drummer guy with the afro) keep showing up on blogs, in conversations with white people who discovered hip hop in college, on tv shows, on critic's most anticipated albums of the year lists...and in my case logic.

Now I'm not sure if this is a product of hangin around okayplayer too much but the anticipation for their latest effort: Game Theory has been quietly brewing in my psyche. To be honest, the simple fact that Malik B would be back for this album was enough to quell my complaints about another boring Roots album with Blackthought rollin solo at the helm. I won't front, I checked out some of the cuts off the album and have been compelled enough to listen from start to finish. Promising...

So who wants to burn or send me a copy of their new album?

Meet the Press

Upon reading this blog, you may have wondered from time to time, "Who are these people, and why should we care?" Because. Because. Here's who we be:

Joyce is probably the only person in the world who can convincingly argue that John Mayer songs contain a certain amount of depth that nobody, probably not even Mayer, would've otherwise guessed existed.

Not only is Joyce a lyrical gangsta, able to fully appreciate guys like Nick Drake and John Cale for all they're worth, but her mastery of the English language has taken her all the way to law school. Hopefully, she'll take a class or two on internet law and the DMCA. Odds are, some of her friends will need her help sooner or later.

Anything Juliet tells you to get, it'd best be gotten. Elliott Smith, The Royal Tenebaums, and Donnie Darko are among her personal recommendations, and she hasn't been wrong yet. Her favorites will be your favorites. Otherwise, there's probably something wrong with you.

Juliet is currently serving her second year at the 9:30 Club in Washington, DC, where work includes selling band schwag and listening to some pretty great gigs seven nights a week, or however often she works. DMX on September 6!

Linda still listens to the radio, which helps in keeping her tastes well-rounded. Since she's also old enough to know the difference between right and wrong, Linda acts as a buffer of sorts, keeping the kids safe from shitty music from bands like Blue October.

She's recently discovered the next big thing: Gunther Pleasureman, a mullet-toting, sexually ambiguous dance machine, whose music videos have made Linda spit water all over the carpet, truly a testament to her passion for the arts.

Bobby's one of few people who can appreciatively compare Ozma and the Roots without people thinking he's full of shit. Quite simply, if it's good, Bobby'll listen to it.

He currently lives in Taiwan and has been mastering the drums in the past year. It has yolked Bobby to near Canseco-like proportions. Combine that with the fact that he believes that there is no problem which can't be solved by a punch to the face, and it'd probably be best not cross this dude.

Jerome came into the fold believing he was chosen as the token black music contributor. While that is kinda true, he has been known for giving major props to bands like the Police. He's a complicated man, that Jerome.

He recently returned to the States after a year in Shanghai preaching the gospel according to Money Mark. He now spends his free time tracing down and documenting the many branches of ODB's illegitimate family tree.

Enoch spent way too much time writing and formatting this thing.