Live and Let Die?

Has anyone seen Axl wear anything else besides this in the last three years? It's starting to get creepy.

Chuck Klosterman, in his review of the highly anticipated, 15-years-in-the-making, Guns N' Roses album, Chinese Democracy, opens with the following:

"It's been a long time since Guns N' Roses have released an album of new material. Everybody knows this, but it's a fact that bears repeating. If you purchased a kitten on the day that Use Your Illusion I & II arrived in stores, it's probably dead by now."

He then reviews Chinese Democracy and gives it a B, which would have been a good enough grade to convince me to torrent the album, if not for the following fact: The review is a six-month old April Fools' joke, and in this reality, the album still hasn't seen the light of day.

Granted, I'm not the world's biggest metal fan, but I have become enamored with the aesthetic/decadent nuances of the genre. Blame it on the Darkness' jumpsuits and all the crazy cocaine stories on VH1's "Behind the Music." I also can't get enough of the part in "Welcome to the Jungle" when Axl goes, "nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-knees, knees!" The possibility that the band has new material which can potentially outdo lines like that has me positively intrigued.

As such, I propose some sort of accountability. Therefore, tomorrow, I'm going to adopt a Malawian baby, and whenever he's shipped over here, I'm going to feed him like a king. Then, I'm going to lock him in a basement and starve him until whichever Tuesday Chinese Democracy drops. Think of the children, motherfucker.

---------------

Okay, I felt terrible writing that last bit, so here's plan B: I'm going to adopt the baby and let my mom raise him Chinese, something she's always wanted to do as a grand social experiment. I guess we'll just see if the album comes out before li'l JaMarcus Chang goes to college. Whatever.

NYTimes: "According to the MTV website..."

Er... you ever get the feeling that the web-based counterparts of the print newspapers rush a little bit too hard sometimes? Fabolous got shot in the leg today. In the NYT article attributed to staff writer Josh Holusha, the final (background/anectodal) graphs read:

Mr. Jackson, a native of Brooklyn, became famous in late 2001 with his debut single, “I Can’t Deny It.” According to the MTV website, his rapping combines the East Coast “bling bling” and West Coast “gangsta” styles.

In New York, he was considered a successor to Christopher Wallace, known as Notorious B.I.G., who was shot to death in 1997.

Why is the Times drawing from the MTV website? Er... Well at least at a full(er) NYT article (sans mtv citation) followed. Staff writter Emily Vasquez decided to clean up those final graphs for a more succinct, cleaner feel:

Mr. Jackson, raised in the Bedford-Stuyvesant section of Brooklyn, became famous in late 2001 with his debut single, “I Can’t Deny It.”

Word.

P. Amiyumi

How much music do you have to like from a certain genre in order to be considered a fan of that genre? What if it's only a couple artists? Can I still sign up? No? Oh well.

Anyway, while I may not be a big fan of the genre as a whole, the J-Pop group known as Puffy Amiyumi in the west (and simply "Puffy" here in Asia), is one of my favorite groups. In fact, after Jamiroquai, Puffy holds the most real estate on my CD shelf. I guess that has to do with three things, mainly: the largely US-based (at the time) P2P community that significantly hindered attempts to grab tracks for free, a trip to Taiwan in the summer of 2002 (blowing new taiwan dollars on CDs), and the wonder that is the SF Amoeba.

Puffy is Ami Onuki and Yumi Yoshimura. 2006 marks their 10th anniversary. Here in Taiwan, they've long since been marked with one-hit wonder status and relegated to a forgotten decade (the 90s). In its (Taiwan's collective subconscious) defense, it is pretty hard to keep track of all the Taiwanese, HK, Japanese, and Korean - Pop acts arriving and departing from the shelves of the local record stores. You'd have to be super oldschool (like Teresa Teng) or super white (Rod Stewart) to really have staying power.

The two thirty-something j-pop stars have been doing a pretty decent job of putting out music that's fresh and different from album to album. I guess it could be the clever shenanigans of some behind-the-scenes producer to breath new life into a Puffy that is loosing steam in their native Japan... But it's also cool to give the two women the benefit of the doubt and speculate that they are maturing and evolving as a group. The past couple albums (Nice from 2002, and the new Splurge) have done a nice job keeping off the saccharine synth/midi drum loops in favor of some tasty guitars and drumkit. And while the 2004 album, 59, slipped under my radar, I'll be getting that soon.

Off of Splurge:
"Tokyo I'm On My Way" (music and words by Dexter Holland of The Offspring)
"Basket Case" (the bonus track on the asian release of the album is this Green Day cover)

Akin to Searching for the Holy Grail

What is the greatest pop song ever written? Today, I try to tackle this question by first providing a context which supports the answer I've already come up with while I was driving home from work earlier today.

Pop music, in the broadest sense of the phrase, was born in the 1950's as a way for teenagers to differentiate themselves from their blues- and jazz-lovin' parents, but not from each other, mind you, because that would make them outcasts, and thus, prone to ridicule and ostracization from their peers. Today, pop encompasses pretty much everything you hear on the top 40, soft rock, alternative/hard rock, R&B, oldies, and hip hop radio stations, among others I may have forgotten. Let's just say that if one is cashing checks from Sony Music and/or have shot a music video, then homey's pop.

So how does one separate the weak from the strong? A decent pop song usually includes the following components:

1. A catchy hook that more or less identifies the song. Think the opening riff to "Seven Nation Army," or Master P slurring, "Uhh... na-na na-na."
2. Lyrical content including one of the following:
• Summer loving, in which the artist had a blast.
• Sunshine, lollipops, or anything else of equal value in asininity.
• Any other kind of love that probably didn't fare as well because it took place during a less loving time of the year.
3. Most importantly, the best songs are timeless and relatable for the listener. Take it for what it's worth.

There have been a lot of "greatest" lists lately, many of which with diluted criteria, including some world-changing requisite or letting Q Magazine's retarded readers determine the results. How is this any different? The fact that I'm writing independently and for limited readership allows me to make wilder claims with much less liability. So without further ado, the epitome of the last 50 years:

Big Star - Thirteen

Every element of the song is stripped and so simple that it's impossible not to relate to the innocence of teenage love. The Ronettes' "Be My Baby" came really close, but the Big Star line, "Would you be an outlaw for my love?" just blows it out of the water every time. Sorry, ladies.

Some good cover versions:
Garbage - Thirteen
Elliott Smith - Thirteen

And just to prove that I did put some thought into this thing, here are some other songs I considered:
Beach Boys - God Only Knows
The Beatles - In My Life
Michael Jackson - Billie Jean
The Turtles - So Happy Together
... and a few others. I should really write these things down.

...like a fat kid loves caca...

Kweli fenna drop an electric cicus on y'all too!

Best believe George L. got this stable on lock.

Skate Bored P been bitin this man for some time now but really ain't touchin him on the vocal tip (and perhaps...on the production tip??).

Talib Kweli big ups Nick Cannon for representin Hip Hop the way it should be?? Granted Kweli was the featured guest on Cannon's Wildin Out when he made the comment... Kweli then proceeded to deliver an okayplayer-diaper-soaking shit sandwhich prewritten battle rap aimed at the cast. Still ain't shit w/o Hi Tek.

Flying Lotus. Nuff said...peep 1983.

STEP YA BLOG GAMES UP!

Q: What Happens When Nobody's Favorite Music Store Goes Out of Business?

A: Meh.

Tower Records, which was just purchased on Friday after filing for bankruptcy a second time in August, has begun liquidating all its inventory. This is obviously good news for the consumer; at 10-30% original sticker price, we'd now only be paying slightly more than we would at a decent record store.

To the new owners: shit, guys, good luck unloading all those lowrider compilations and copies of James Blunt's Back to Bedlam.

Plug 1, Plug 2...

Count Bass D's Act Your Waist Size. Review is up.

Takin My Ass Back To Taiwan: The Mudder Fugger Punker Version

During one of my strolls down the Taipei alleys in 2003, I came across this tiny shop selling punk rock memorabilia, shirts, and CDs... sure the clothes and arm bands bordered on Hot Topic but I was excited nevertheless to have come across a piece of the Taiwanese underground scene.

After schooling me on the likes of Op Ivy and Minor Threat, the store clerk recommended me Spunka, a local band specializing in...well punk and ska. I'm not sure if they are still around (Bobby?) though I suspect they have disbanded as there is no trace of the group online. A lot of this sounds like Op Ivy and Rancid, the lead singer(s?) gets the grunts and growls down and Taiwanese mixed with a dose of fobby english makes for gibberish lyrics (but then again who really gives a fuck about the lyrics with punk rock). Much of the music sounds like college kids fuckin around and aping their favorite groups. The typical 3 chord progressions are there, the loud thrashing, and even some trumpet action makes for some good ol angst ridden "mudder fugger punker" rock:

(I've lost the CD case so I don't have the song titles...bear with me as I make them up)

1. Spunka "Da Ge Ho"

2. Spunka "Every Day Work"

3. Spunka "Pappy Mao"

update: dudes...I am GEEKED about this Bad Brains DVD. Oh and it wasn't until I ejected the CD that I realized the band name is "Spunka" not "Punk Ska"....must be one of them "Punk In Drulic" moments....

You're My Inspiration

Last night, We Are Scientists and Art Brut played a fairly magnificent show at the Music Box at the Henry Fonda Theater in Hollywood.

I missed most of the Spinto Band, but the last two songs sounded pretty good. Maybe next time.

If you've never heard Art Brut's music before, it's a combination of cock rock melodies and lead "singer" Eddie Argos pretty much talking to the audience. Formulaically, it takes a bit of charisma to pull it off, and let me tell you, he's got a buttload of charm, especially when he's preaching life lessons to the kids. Example: during "Emily Kane," ad libbed lyrics include:
"If Jay-Z were in the audience
He'd grab me by the arm
And he'd say to me
'Eddie Argos...
If you're having girl problems, I feel bad for you, son
I got 99 problems, but a bitch ain't one.'
And I'd say...
'Jay-Z, I don't appreciate your mysognistic tone,
But I see where you're coming from."

By the time We Are Scientists came onstage, I was feeling a little bit under the weather and was just trying to stay conscious long enough to hear them play "Textbook." It was totally worth it. The repetitive nature of their songs make for either a really fun sing-a-long or can irritate the shit out of you, depending on the track. Though I will admit "Nobody Move, Nobody Get Hurt" is a great way to start a set, the banter and songs 2-5 did leave a little to be desired. Yeah, we were pretty much out the door after "Textbook." Good times.

Here are some highlights from previous Art Brut & We Are Scientist shows:

Art Brut - Emily Kane (Vienna live)

Art Brut - My Little Brother (Vienna live)

We Are Scientists - Nobody Move, Nobody Get Hurt (Seattle live)

We Are Scientists - Textbook (Seattle live)

Takin Yo Ass Back To Taiwan

Hi, from Taiwan. Had to chime in here with a couple youtube videos. The first vid is a music video for a song called Taekwondo (跆拳道) by Stickyrice (糯米團) and the second is a music video for Miniskirt (迷你群) by Wonfu (旺福). Ironically, there are no miniskirts in the miniskirt vid. Both bands seem to ellicit "oh, I remember them, they're pretty funny" remarks.

So if you're into the less serious brand of indie rock: