Has anyone seen Axl wear anything else besides this in the last three years? It's starting to get creepy.Chuck Klosterman, in his review of the highly anticipated, 15-years-in-the-making, Guns N' Roses album, Chinese Democracy, opens with the following:
"It's been a long time since Guns N' Roses have released an album of new material. Everybody knows this, but it's a fact that bears repeating. If you purchased a kitten on the day that Use Your Illusion I & II arrived in stores, it's probably dead by now."He then reviews Chinese Democracy and gives it a B, which would have been a good enough grade to convince me to torrent the album, if not for the following fact: The review is a six-month old April Fools' joke, and in this reality, the album still hasn't seen the light of day.
Granted, I'm not the world's biggest metal fan, but I have become enamored with the aesthetic/decadent nuances of the genre. Blame it on the Darkness' jumpsuits and all the crazy cocaine stories on VH1's "Behind the Music." I also can't get enough of the part in "Welcome to the Jungle" when Axl goes, "nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-knees, knees!" The possibility that the band has new material which can potentially outdo lines like that has me positively intrigued.
As such, I propose some sort of accountability. Therefore, tomorrow, I'm going to adopt a Malawian baby, and whenever he's shipped over here, I'm going to feed him like a king. Then, I'm going to lock him in a basement and starve him until whichever Tuesday Chinese Democracy drops. Think of the children, motherfucker.
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Okay, I felt terrible writing that last bit, so here's plan B: I'm going to adopt the baby and let my mom raise him Chinese, something she's always wanted to do as a grand social experiment. I guess we'll just see if the album comes out before li'l JaMarcus Chang goes to college. Whatever.
4 comments:
Even if the album does arrive, can we ever really expect Axl to make it through a tour without throwing a temper-tantrum hissy-fit & stomping off stage & canceling future shows?
you gangsta, enoch. GANGSTA!
Yo. I just got a copy of Cowboys from Hell and a piece of my soul just died. What hope is there for the collective music industry when the hottest damn music was already released twenty years ago on this god-damned Pantera record? It's like GZA's Liquid Swords made my brain explode and just as the dust was starting to settle... Pantera's Cowboys from Hell just sucked all that shit back and imploded it into itself.
Seriously. I have a headache from listening to this stuff. But it's just so goddamn beautiful.
Seeing Guns N' Roses live wouldn't exactly top my "now my life is complete" list of things to do. In fact, reading about his hissy fits would probably bring me more joy.
Honestly, the whole idea of a GNR show with the freaky ass metalheads is kind of intimidating. So, no, I'm not gangsta. But JaMarcus is all over that one.
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